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The LOL Thread

on Mon Apr 09, 2018 8:07 pm
Let's start with this. Laughing


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Re: The LOL Thread

on Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:28 pm
The first of a few funnies from the Old Bored----by popular request:


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Re: The LOL Thread

on Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:45 pm
Mr. K wrote:The first of a few funnies from the Old Bored----by popular request:


Now that's a blast to the past! Razz

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Thu Apr 12, 2018 12:17 pm
Cool Cool Water wrote:Now that's a blast to the past! Razz

Plenty more where that came from!


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Re: The LOL Thread

on Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:23 am

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Fri Apr 13, 2018 11:12 pm
^^^
Laughing

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Sat Apr 14, 2018 10:38 am

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Sun Apr 15, 2018 11:00 am
I don't believe this is meant to be funny but I howled with laughter when I saw it:


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Re: The LOL Thread

on Sun Apr 15, 2018 8:09 pm
^^^
LOL

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:24 am





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Re: The LOL Thread

on Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:20 pm

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:31 pm

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Tue Apr 17, 2018 1:34 pm
Cool Cool Water wrote:

That's hilarious! And touching. One of the great figures of the past 100 years...

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Wed Apr 18, 2018 11:06 am

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Wed Apr 18, 2018 6:52 pm
Mr. K wrote:

lol!

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Mon Apr 23, 2018 12:48 pm

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Mon Apr 23, 2018 5:15 pm
^^^
lol!

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Tue Apr 24, 2018 10:33 am

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Wed Apr 25, 2018 12:52 pm
How many Brianistas does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change it. One to praise Brian for the gift of light. One to blame Mike for the old bulb going out.


With thanks to kds at PSF


Last edited by Mr. K on Thu Apr 26, 2018 8:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Thu Apr 26, 2018 10:30 am
Here are some jokes by the late British comedian Tommy Cooper:

1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think at least one of
them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are
too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a
look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because
he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'

16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.

17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'

18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.

19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice.'

20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore!

21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number
to climb as digging continues into the night.

_________________
"Maybe I put too much faith in atmosphere." (J.P. Donleavy)
"Old ones, new ones, loved ones, neglected ones" (Alberto Semprini)
"I don't want to go out. I want to stay in. Get things done." (David Bowie)
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Re: The LOL Thread

on Thu Apr 26, 2018 12:56 pm
Mr. K wrote:Here are some jokes by the late British comedian Tommy Cooper:

1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think at least one of
them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are
too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a
look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because
he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'

16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.

17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'

18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.

19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice.'

20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore!

21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number
to climb as digging continues into the night.

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Thu Apr 26, 2018 8:31 pm
CherokeeRose wrote:
Mr. K wrote:Here are some jokes by the late British comedian Tommy Cooper:

1. Two blondes walk into a building ....... you'd think at least one of
them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - '...If you want to buy marijuana,
press the hash key...'

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'No, the steaks are
too high.'

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him
in.

7 . A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off'.

8. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'. 'That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.' 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

13. A man takes his Rottweiller to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a
look at him'.
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because
he's cross-eyed?' 'No, because he's really heavy'.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you
give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'

16. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.

17. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.' The
other one says 'So are you, you fat bastard!'

18. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid,
and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other
one off.

19. 'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice.'

20. A man walked into the doctors, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in
several places'. The doctor said, 'Well don't go there anymore!

21. Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and
rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number
to climb as digging continues into the night.


You're very frisky today, Ms Mod. Spring is in the air, right?

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Fri Apr 27, 2018 1:46 pm
Back to business:




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"Old ones, new ones, loved ones, neglected ones" (Alberto Semprini)
"I don't want to go out. I want to stay in. Get things done." (David Bowie)
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Re: The LOL Thread

on Fri Apr 27, 2018 5:03 pm
Mr. K wrote:Back to business:




lol!

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Re: The LOL Thread

on Sat Apr 28, 2018 11:55 am
The following signs have been found in various locations, using the English language somewhat creatively...

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
Using hotel air conditioner, Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLE YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.
Men's rest room in Japan:
TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT
Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
On an Athi River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
A sign on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
In a Pumwani maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.
Tokyo hotel's rules:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
Menu of Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
Bangkok temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.
Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.
Menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.
Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.
The Soviet Weekly:
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.
East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.
Sign in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.
Ad by Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.
Laundry in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.
Ad for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?
On box of clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE-CREAM.
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS

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"Maybe I put too much faith in atmosphere." (J.P. Donleavy)
"Old ones, new ones, loved ones, neglected ones" (Alberto Semprini)
"I don't want to go out. I want to stay in. Get things done." (David Bowie)
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Re: The LOL Thread

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